The Past of the Today and Hope of the Tomorrow
by KuraiBeams
Summary: Yui thinks on Miaka, while Miaka does the same.


The Past of Today and Hope for the Tomorrow  
KuraiBeams (also Shangri-la)  
  
Disclaimer:I don't own Fushigi Yuugi. If I did Tomahome wouldn't with us today, Nuriko and Chiriko wouldn't die, and Hotohori wouldn't be so infatuated with himself....  
  
Author Notes: This is a shoujo ai fic I guess. Um...it's placed right after Miaka is captured at Kotou (I forget how to spell it...heh...). I guess that would mean Miaka is in the dungeon. Please read and review. And I don't really care if I get flamed. Whatever...  
******  
  
Miaka even now I feel the emptiness. The one that came upon me, when I heard you say to Tamahome the reason you came back. That it was to be with him. Because you were in love with him.   
  
You know all this time I've been trying to get Tamahome to love me, it's really just a game. I want you to hate him. I miss you. . . I miss the way things used to be. Me and you, together always. I figured out long ago what I feel for Tamahome is not real. It's just what you felt when I was reading the book. The first page said the one who reads the books will experience the same things as the priestess.  
  
Just like I felt the cut on your leg, you falling and almost drowning, when you got that fever, and also when you stabbed yourself in the heart. I felt what you feel towards him. What you felt towards everyone of the people you met. I felt the anxiety when you couldn't find me. I felt everything Miaka.  
  
So this is what became of me, an empty shell. Without you, and the possiblity of your love, I don't care what happens anymore. I don't even care that Nakago tries manipulate me. The fool is blind, if he can't see I don't care anymore.  
  
I nearly crumbled, you know? When I caught you in the garden waiting for Tamahome so you could save him. I almost crumbled because of the sad look on your face. I would do anything for you and only you . . . but you love another.  
  
Perhaps if I told you this you may understand. Or pretend you do, then rush head first into things you don't understand, just like always.   
  
Why not me? Why? I didn't mind it before, when we were just friends in our own world. I could stand just being you friend. I can't now, because of what happened. Of what happened to me here. I needed you, I still need you. Yet it is him, you are trying to save. Do you know how much that hurts. Well this is to the hurt. *HAHAHAHAA* I can't FEEL anything, anymore. Nothing but the slow throb of pain in that place you used to occupy in my heart. Not just that one place, but the entire of my heart, it was yours. Probably still is, can't tell anymore. To speak truth, I don't want to know, because if I am ever repaired, if it still belongs to you, I'm afraid I already know what's going to happen.  
  
I've looked over my past. I've noticed some thing. I've noticed that life is a vicious circle to be forever repeated. I only wish that things did not happen they way they did. I wish . . . I wish I had told you the way I felt before this happened. I've known for so long.  
  
Miaka. . .  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
Yui . . . Why did you decide to become my enemy? My best friend, that's who you were and still are. My only hope it seems is to find the seven stars of Suzaku. So that I can have my wishes come true.  
  
I remember the simple wishes that I had wanted when Hotohori first told me about Suzaku, and what it meant to become the priestess. There was one wish that I didn't say out loud. One that I still hold tight, hoping beyond hope, will come true. I don't think it can now. At least, not on its own.  
  
Oh why am I so stupid? Why did I have to fall in love with Tamahome? But even worse why do you think I betrayed you, that I hate you?  
  
Is it because I told Tamahome that I love him? It's not my fault that I love him. I love him like I love Hotohori, Nuriko, Chichiri, Tasuki, Mitsukake, and Chiriko. Only I had a crush on him for a while. It's not my fault everyone sees it as true love. And all because I ran into a situation with out thinking again.   
  
Yui-chan I love you, why do you hate me? I wish I could tell you that you can have Tomahome if you want. I'm only trying to save him because he IS one of the seven stars of Suzaku. I wish I had told you I was in love with you when we were younger.  
  
Perhaps you would've listened. . . I mean believed me. Most of the time it seems as if you think most of what I say is rubbish. Of course most of what I said was, most of what I talked about was food.  
  
I hurt in a way I've never hurt before. I hurt on the inside at a place I can't seem to reach, and the hurt only gets worse everytime I see you in pain or when I think of what it was that hurt you.  
  
I wish I hadn't taken my uniform off. I wish I hadn't been in such a hurry to get home. I wish I never even saw the book that brought us to this incredulous place. This wonderful, lovely, depressing place.  
  
Life just doesn't seem worth living without your happy face anymore. So I'm going to try and make you happy. Somehow.  
  
If I can awaken Suzaku, I'm going to wish to become your friend again. I'm going to wish myself the courage to tell you my feelings. I want to be together again, even if only as friends.  
  
  
I will not be defeated.  
  
  
*****~Owari~*****  
  
  
More Author Notes: *scratches back of head* This is my first piece of fanfiction I have every written that I have ever posted. I wrote this because my friend was pissing me off by talking constantly of Fushigi Yuugi, and then I couldn't get it off my mind so I wrote this *shrugs*....These are just some of my thoughts on what could be going through Miaka and Yui's heads. And I also think I made mention of something that shouldn't have happened yet. 


End file.
